I Can't Believe It

Three very surreal things have happened lately in my life:

I have realized that I Am Growing Up (yes, this deserves capitals.) I'm almost done with high school, I'm going to be moving out soon, and living independently, and going to college. I feel like I've been waiting for this forever, yet it is also coming way too fast.

I'm writing a paper in my English class about the AIDS/HIV epidemic and LGBT youth, with a emphasis on a historical analysis and solutions for the future. Today I interviewed a senior lawyer who has been doing AIDS legal work for decades, and was doing queer youth organizing before that. It's hard to comprehend what the AIDS crisis was like at the beginning, with all the uncertainty and fear. I've been doing a lot of thinking about this, and it's still not making any more sense and I still can't understand it or wrap my head around it.

My mother, and now my grandfather are on Facebook. This says so much about social networking, and how communication happens in the era of the Internet. I think this message captures it all:

friend your grandfather
Between You and Mom

Mom
Today at 8:31pm
He just started a Facebook profile. It could be a simple way for him to keep the family posted when he travels to South America this winter.

What I Want in a College: American University

A friend of mine is going to American University in Washington, D.C. and emailed me these answers about American to my college questions. I found them to be really helpful, so I thought I would share them.

Student Life:
*A politically active student body that actually cares about the activism they are doing.

AU is the most politically active school in the country.
-Is there an active group of queer leaders on campus? Does it have a lot of infighting?

Queers & Allies is
-What is the queer social scene like? How much drinking does it involved?

Varies widely. I haven't seen a lot of drinking-related activities.
-Do they have a Hillel? Is there substantial support for it on campus? How institutionally supported is it?

We have a Hillel. There's a lot of Jews here. There's also some kind of staffed Jewish institiution.
-Is there some sort of peer health advocates program?

Not sure what you mean.
-Is there an ice hockey team? What level? Is there free skate time for students?

Not as far as I know.
-Is there a Radical Cheerleading squad? How active is it?

Yes, and growing.
*Is there institutional support for queer issues? Is there a LGBT Center? A Women’s Center? Do they have paid staff?

LGBT center with paid staff. Working on a women's center.
*What is the racial make-up of the school? Is there a lot of segregation within the school? How many international students are there? Do they fit in with the rest of the student body?

Lots of international students, otherwise mostly white. Not much segregation that I've seen.
-Are Jewish holidays given the day off? Are they excused absences? How flexible are teachers if projects coincide with holidays?

Jewish holidays are excused absences.
-How many Jewish students are there? What percentage of the student population is that? What is the religious make-up of the school?

Jewish students make up the third largest portion of the freshman class...first is unaffiliated, second is Roman Catholic i think. School is Methodist-affiliated but they make up a very small portion
*How many students on financial aid? How good are the packages?

Honors scholarship is awesome. Otherwise, so-so I understand. Most students have some scholarship.
*How much pressure to drink is there on campus? How much drinking is there? How big is the Greek life? What activities exist that don’t involve drinking?

Dry campus. Substantial amount of drinking off-campus and occasionally in rooms, but little pressure for straightedge kids.

Academics:
*Do they have a core curriculum? How large is it? How much of it could I test out of?

GenEd program is 10 courses plus a semester of math and a year of english. You can fulfill a number of the courses with a 4 or 5 on an AP test. Up to 30 credits
*Do they have ASL classes? Is there only level 1 and 2, or do they go up to Interpreting? Do they accept ASL classes to fulfill a language requirement? Will they transfer my previous ASL credits to fulfill the language requirements, or let me take ASL at another nearby university if they don’t offer the appropriate level of classes for me?

I don't think there are language requirements for most majors. No clue on ASL classes. Can take courses at a number of other DC institutions through the Washington Consortium, including Gallaudet.
*Do they offer majors/classes in Women’s Studies, History, African Studies, Judaic Studies, Public Health, Religion Studies, Disability Studies, Deaf Studies, Queer Studies, Non-Profit Management and Government?

Yes, yes, I think so, maybe, yes, yes, maybe, maybe, working on it, yes, yes.
*Do they have a real Women’s Studies Department, or does it just exist on paper? Does it have full-time faculty, or is it made up of professors who are primarily based in other departments?

Some of both.
-Is the college part of a consortium? How many colleges belong to the consortium? How many students at the college take classes at other colleges, and how many other college’s students take classes at the college?

www.consortium.org. I have a number of friends who take courses elsewhere.
-Is it a teaching college? If it is a research college, how does that work for non-math and science subjects?

Nope.
-What calendar does the college use? (Semester, Trimester, Quarter, 4-1-4?)

Semester.
-Are there adult students? How does the college treat them?

Some. I haven't seen any yet, but my friend's dad is an AU student. Alums can also audit classes.
-Are students able to teach “experimental” classes, or classes that are not otherwise offered by the college? How often does this happen?

I'm not sure.
-Is it possible to transfer out of the college? How easy is it?

Yes, probably decently so.
-How many students study aboard? When do they study abroad? Why do they study abroad? (Want to get out of the college, or explore something new?) Where do students student abroad? Will the college let you do any program? Is their list of pre-approved programs substantial? Will they let you do something that is not pre-approved?

Lots of options. AU Abroad has their own office. Most students study abroad.
-How much contact is there between undergrads and grads? What type of contact?

Not a whole lot at the lower levels, but opportunities exist.
-What are the college’s libraries like? What sort of resources do they have? How do the students utilize them?

Large library, access to DC/MD/VA public libraries and libraries at other DC schools. GLBTA resource library is going to be integrated soon.
-What is the average class size? What types of classes are normally offered? What is the student to faculty ratio?

My classes are all less than 30 students, most are less than 20. Only two lecture halls on campus.
-What is the advising system like? Do the students feel like they are in-touch with their advisors and getting the appropriate support?

Meh.

Housing and Meals:
-Are you guaranteed housing all four years? Can you live off-campus? How many students live off campus? When do most students live off campus?

I think so. Yes. Lots. Most move off junior year.
-Is the housing dorms or mod-style?

All dorms for freshmen, after that there are options.
-Is there program housing? Substance-free, queer, ASL, Jewish, etc?

Yes, and you can apply to create your own. I know there are honors, queer, green,
-What is the quality of food on campus? What is the availability of vegetarian food? Of Kosher food?

You've tried it, yes?

Location:
-Relatively close to Boston- somewhere in the New England area or on the East Coast. But not somewhere that I can bike to, or somewhere less than an hour away.

Check.

-What is the LGBT-friendliness like of the surrounding area outside of the college?

Good. I think DC has the strongest queer-nondiscrimination laws in the US.
-How are students at the college involved in the outside community? How much community outreach does the college itself do? How does the outside community perceive the college?

We're the shit.
-Is it a college town?

hahaha.
-Does the surrounding city have comprehensive public transportation?

Metro ftw.
-Is there a Jewish community in the city? What are the shuls like?

Alums:
-After college, what do the graduates go on to achieve? Grad school? Public service? Business? Lawyers? Politicians?

All of the above.
- How do alums feel about the college? Do they go to reunions? Do they like the school?

I think so?

Miscellaneous:
-Is there ample available bike parking?

yes.
-Is free Internet available all over campus?

Generally. It kinda sucks sometimes.
-Does the school non-discrimination code include sexual orientation and gender identity/expression?

Ayep.
-Does the college utilize student input? Do students serve on the college governing bodies?

Sort of, depends on how important you are.
-Is there a shuttle to campus? How long is the ride? How often does the shuttle come? How comfy is the shuttle?

Yes. about 15 minutes. every 15 minutes at the most, in theory. decent.

I wish I was more interesting

My life right now is all about college. I'm almost done figuring out where I want to apply; but the next step is even more daunting. I have to actually apply! I have lists and lists of due dates and different components of the applications, and how I can best represent myself in every way possible.

As apprehensive as I am about finishing my college applications, I am more worried that I have lost my ability to engage with other people. Most of the older folks that I hang out with seem fascinated by the college application process, while most of the people who are also going through the college application process seem content to talk about nothing but it. However, other people who are not so highly involved with college applications, but who are still affected by them (such as my siblings) constantly complain that the only thing I am focused on right now is applying to college.

I think they are right. And I think that my current singular focusing on applying to college makes me a very boring person. So, my goal once I finish this whole process? Strive to become a more interesting person who is able to talk about something that does not involve college.

What I'm Looking For in a College

The statements with “*” are make or break requirements, and the statements with “-“ are just things that I would prefer.

Student Life:
*A politically active student body that actually cares about the activism they are doing.
-Is there an active group of queer leaders on campus? Does it have a lot of infighting?
-What is the queer social scene like? How much drinking does it involved?
-Do they have a Hillel? Is there substantial support for it on campus? How institutionally supported is it?
-Is there some sort of peer health advocates program?
-Is there an ice hockey team? What level? Is there free skate time for students?
-Is there a Radical Cheerleading squad? How active is it?
*Is there institutional support for queer issues? Is there a LGBT Center? A Women’s Center? Do they have paid staff?
*What is the racial make-up of the school? Is there a lot of segregation within the school? How many international students are there? Do they fit in with the rest of the student body?
-Are Jewish holidays given the day off? Are they excused absences? How flexible are teachers if projects coincide with holidays?
-How many Jewish students are there? What percentage of the student population is that? What is the religious make-up of the school?
*How many students on financial aid? How good are the packages?
*How much pressure to drink is there on campus? How much drinking is there? How big is the Greek life? What activities exist that don’t involve drinking?

Academics:
*Do they have a core curriculum? How large is it? How much of it could I test out of?
*Do they have ASL classes? Is there only level 1 and 2, or do they go up to Interpreting? Do they accept ASL classes to fulfill a language requirement? Will they transfer my previous ASL credits to fulfill the language requirements, or let me take ASL at another nearby university if they don’t offer the appropriate level of classes for me?
*Do they offer majors/classes in Women’s Studies, History, African Studies, Judaic Studies, Public Health, Religion Studies, Disability Studies, Deaf Studies, Queer Studies, Non-Profit Management and Government?
*Do they have a real Women’s Studies Department, or does it just exist on paper? Does it have full-time faculty, or is it made up of professors who are primarily based in other departments?
-Is the college part of a consortium? How many colleges belong to the consortium? How many students at the college take classes at other colleges, and how many other college’s students take classes at the college?
-Is it a teaching college? If it is a research college, how does that work for non-math and science subjects?
-What calendar does the college use? (Semester, Trimester, Quarter, 4-1-4?)
-Are there adult students? How does the college treat them?
-Are students able to teach “experimental” classes, or classes that are not otherwise offered by the college? How often does this happen?
-Is it possible to transfer out of the college? How easy is it?
-How many students study aboard? When do they study abroad? Why do they study abroad? (Want to get out of the college, or explore something new?) Where do students student abroad? Will the college let you do any program? Is their list of pre-approved programs substantial? Will they let you do something that is not pre-approved?
-How much contact is there between undergrads and grads? What type of contact?
-What are the college’s libraries like? What sort of resources do they have? How do the students utilize them?
-What is the average class size? What types of classes are normally offered? What is the student to faculty ratio?
-What is the advising system like? Do the students feel like they are in-touch with their advisors and getting the appropriate support?

Housing and Meals:
-Are you guaranteed housing all four years? Can you live off-campus? How many students live off campus? When do most students live off campus?
-Is the housing dorms or mod-style?
-Is there program housing? Substance-free, queer, ASL, Jewish, etc?
-What is the quality of food on campus? What is the availability of vegetarian food? Of Kosher food?

Location:
-Relatively close to Boston- somewhere in the New England area or on the East Coast. But not somewhere that I can bike to, or somewhere less than an hour away.
-What is the LGBT-friendliness like of the surrounding area outside of the college?
-How are students at the college involved in the outside community? How much community outreach does the college itself do? How does the outside community perceive the college?
-Is it a college town?
-Does the surrounding city have comprehensive public transportation?
-Is there a Jewish community in the city? What are the shuls like?

Alums:
-After college, what do the graduates go on to achieve? Grad school? Public service? Business? Lawyers? Politicians?
- How do alums feel about the college? Do they go to reunions? Do they like the school?

Miscellaneous:
-Is there ample available bike parking?
-Is free Internet available all over campus?
-Does the school non-discrimination code include sexual orientation and gender identity/expression?
-Does the college utilize student input? Do students serve on the college governing bodies?
-Is there a shuttle to campus? How long is the ride? How often does the shuttle come? How comfy is the shuttle?

Internships and Service-Based Learning

I started school two weeks ago. I'm now a senior in high school, and I really just can't wait to be done. My school has been developing a special program for seniors who have the same feelings as me towards school. It's the "Senior's Choice Internship Program" and it means that for two periods a day (3 hours) I can go off-site to a internship. There really aren't any restrictions on the type of internship either, although almost everyone who has done the program has picked something with a social justice focus (I'm a development intern at a medium-sized non-profit that does impact litigation for people who have faced discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity/expression and/or HIV status.)

Along with the internship, there is also a mini-class once a week at my high school where I meet with my adviser. We talk about what is going on in general and at the internship, and she gives me new homework. I seriously love doing my homework for this class. Last week, I had to reflect on what excellence, ethics, and engagement mean to me and to my work, and this week I'm analyzing teaching strategies through the lens of the GoodWork Project. I even get to do a book review of The Revolution Will Not Be Funded: Beyond the Non-Profit Complex.

I love how I have been able to make all these connections between my activism and my schoolwork, and I love how the internship is really keeping me engaged with school, especially at a time when all I am focusing on is when I can disengage. I think that service-based learning is so relevant to creating critical thinkers and effective learners (indeed, I never thought so much about how to get funding and the politics of funding before now.) I am really appreciative that this opportunity is available to me, and I wish that more students in my school took advantage of it, and that more schools implemented internship programs as a way to keep students engaged and excited about learning.

Queer Bubble

This summer, I have hung out almost exclusively with queer people, and I've had a blast. I've been participating in a lot of queer social organizations that I didn't have time for last year, I've attended several LGBT-orientated conferences, and most of my friends who stayed in Boston over the summer or that I met this summer are queer.

BAGLY, the Boston Alliance of GLBT Youth, had its 28th Anniversary Party recently, which drew more than a hundred queer youth from across Boston. We saw a amazing slide show about the the history of BAGLY, and the Executive Director did a Q&A. I also performed with the Boston Radical Cheerleaders, and there was lots of cake. It was fabulous.

It was at the Anniversary Party that I realized the extent of the queer bubble that I have been living in all summer. I'm not really sure if this bubble is a good thing that has provided me with a much needed supportive environment, or if I have just been isolating myself from “the real world”. All I know is that I'm not looking forward to going back to school and shattering this bubble.

I want it to happen in my lifetime

"I didn’t think it would happen in my lifetime." I often hear that statement from older GLBT people in reference to same-sex marriage in Massachusetts. In 2004, the MA Supreme Judicial Court ruled that not allowing same-sex couples to marry was unconstitutional. I was in 7th grade, and I wrote my final history paper on it. On May 17, 2004, at midnight, the City of Cambridge began issuing marriage certificates to same-sex couples. I was there. I remember the celebratory mood, the disbelief that we could finally get married, but undeniable happiness that we were now equal.

We have fought for the last 4 years to protect our right to marry, and have defeated campaigns to take our rights away. The 1913 law, which prohibited out of state couples from getting married in MA if their marriage would be illegal in their home state, was recently repealed, and now everyone who wants to can get married in MA.

I was 16 when I heard about ENDA. I had been doing trans-related activism for under a year, and didn’t understand the history behind ENDA. But I did understand that it was not right that GLBT people could get fired from their jobs for being themselves. I also knew that transgender people were disproportionately affected by poverty, and faced significantly more employment discrimination that the rest of the community. I understood that the transgender community needed legislation that provided them with much-needed protections.

Massachusetts passed their sexual orientation non-discrimination act two years before I was born, and many other states still do not have these protections. I’m 17 years old, and I’m still not protected against discrimination based on gender identity or expression in employment, education, housing, credit, or anything else.

We, as a community, have put amazing resources into fighting for marriage. Now, we need to devote our resources to fighting for non-discrimination legislation that includes our whole community. I want to be able to believe that, in my lifetime, we will be protected from discrimination on the basis of gender identity or expression.

I Don't Know

When I was at the GLSEN conference about a month ago, one of the workshops that I went to was about why we say “I don’t know.” We talked about why people say it, and what can be said instead that will be more helpful. This workshop really struck a chord within me, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently, especially in regards to college and my plans after high school.

Most of the time, when I get asked about college, I say “I don’t know.” In this case, I am using “I don’t know” because I don’t want to tell them the answer. I actually do know exactly what is important to me in a college, and after significant research, I’m also pretty close to finalizing the list of schools I am applying to. I just don’t want to share this list with people who don’t really care where I am going, and are only asking me so that they can make judgments on me based on the schools that I am interested in.

LJfeed for this blog

I've been blogging on LiveJournal.com (albeit under different usernames) since the beginning of 2004. I really love LJ for a variety of reasons, but one of the things I love the most is the "Friends Page" feature that lets you read all of your friends LJs on one page. However, other blogs can't be read on the Friends Page unless a speical feed is set up, and only paid users (which I am not) can set up a feed.

But I have a wonderful friend who has a Paid Account and who set for the feed for me! Anyone who is reading this blog and would prefer to read it on LJ can now do that! The feed is named "feministchild" and can be subscribed to here.

Risk: The Game of Global Domination

This summer I'm working for this organization that does a lot of work around youth empowerment, social justice and community organizing. At the beginning of the summer, we had a overnight retreat. While we did do a lot of getting to know you games, group bonding, and learning more about what we'd be doing this summer, the thing that most sticks out in my memories of the retreat is playing Risk: The Game of Global Domination. All of the boys at the retreat were really into the game, and so I learned how to play. We stayed up most of the night playing Risk, and I really got into it.

The goal of Risk is to take over the world. In the beginning, the countries are divided evenly among the players, but you can challenge a country's owner by rolling a die, and if you win you get to take over that country. For every 3 countries you have, you get another game piece, and if you have a entire continent, you get bonus pieces.

It's not a very politically correct game, so playing it at the retreat was really funny because we're a group of super-aware teenagers who spend most of our time doing activism-related work. As such, the game was interjected with comments about the treatment of the refugees that we were undoubtably causing in our quest to conquer more countries, and the possible loss of culture due to repeated take overs. Risk also doesn't have all the countries in the world. For instance, Middle East and Afghanistan are two huge countries, but there is no Pakistan or Iran or Iraq or Turkmenistan or any other countries that are actually in the Middle East. We discussed why certain countries were part of the game, and why other countries were left out. It was also fun to analyze why we all enjoyed taking over the world so much.

Now, why am I blogging about this now? Like I've said, I've gotten really into it. So into it that last Friday I introduced Risk to my family. It's become so popular that we've spent several hours on each of the last few days playing it. Right now my brother has Asia and Europe, I have North and South America, my dad has Australia, and I'm fighting over Africa with my brother. My sister has lost all her countries and been kicked off the board. I really can't wait to keep playing and possibly Dominate the Globe!

The Adorable Children at My Shul

I'm Jewish, and I belong to a Conservative congregation that has both a traditional and egalitarian minyan and no rabbi. I try to go to shul every Saturday, but this mostly doesn't happen, and I only end up going to shul once or twice a month. But each time I do, I reminded or another reason I love it.

During the service, my dad will often discuss the week's parsha with me, and explain certain aspects or histories of the prayers. I also spend a lot of time just thinking. Shul has become a place where I can attempt to reach clarity on my thoughts. It is also a place that holds a truly amazing community. There are people at my shul who have memories of me before I could walk, and there are also people who are new each week.

One of the things I love the most though are all the children. There are so many, and they are so adorable. Some will just prance around during the service, others will cry (well, only the really young ones), and some will cling tightly to their parents. There is this one girl who can recite almost every word of the service (off-key, of course) and she's only like 3.

Towards the end of the service, before the Aleinu, whoever is leading the service that day will call up all the children and give them a piece of candy. The belief is that prayer should be sweet. It's a tradition that was instilled by our late rabbi. He also loved the kids, and really showed his love. His favourite thing to say at the end of services was "Come more often, bring more friends." Anyways, so today there was this little boy, probably about 2, with his little payot, and he's running to get up to the bima, and he manages to trip over his own feet. Immediately, several people run up to him and try to calm him down, while everyone else looks on sympathetically. Eventually he must have realized that if he didn't stop crying, he was going to miss his chance to get a chocolate kiss. So he gets out of his mother's lap, and his face still wet with tears, runs up and sticks his hand out for the candy, which he promptly receives, along with everyone's laughter.

The kids at my shul are so adorable, and they are one of the things that I really love about going to shul.

A Child's Experience of Gender

Tonight my sister was at a birthday party, and no one in my family really wanted to cook dinner, so my parents, brother, and myself went out to dinner. It was really nice. I just enjoy spending time with my family. (Well, mostly. Sometimes they get on my nerves.)

After dinner, my brother went outside to play on this large metal statue-type-thing. I joined him shortly after. It was shaped like a hollow T, and you can climb on to the top part of the T if you are big enough, and have sufficient arm muscles. Both of us managed to get up. We were up there for just a couple of minutes before this other kid joined us. His name was Alex, and he asked us for help getting up, which my brother only too happy to provide.

My brother and Alex got to talking, and I learned that Alex was 7 (my brother is 10), among other things. After a couple of minutes, Alex turned to me and said "So, are you guys like brothers or something?" I quickly explained that I was a girl, and therefore I was my brother's sister. But Alex just couldn't believe it. "Nah, you aren't a girl!" he told me. My brother responded by saying "Yes she is! She's my sister!" At this point, Alex, who was still doubtful about my gender, was called away by his parent.

And I marveled about children's understanding of gender in our society. It was so simple to my brother- I was his sister, no matter what I look like. And yet, to Alex, it was also so simple- I looked like a boy, so I must be my brother's brother.

If only it were so simple.

The Beginnings of a Blog

I am starting this blog because I recently attended GLSEN's SummerSTART conference where we learned specifically about media and messaging. I have kept a private blog for many years, but I feel it would be good for me to also keep and public record of my opinions. Hopefully, it will also help me improve my writing skills and style.